a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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