i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
