I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
