Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
