just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
