so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
