i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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