Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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