Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
