I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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