I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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