you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
