Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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