some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
