can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
