I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
