Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
