Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
