I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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