No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
