she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
