This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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