No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
