This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
