You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
