My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
