i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
