At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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