why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
