Can i not drive my cunt home
thus making me awesome and them whores
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
