He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
