I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
