He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
