Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
