I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
