I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
