The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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