dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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