I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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