Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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