I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
