yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Operation Purity has been aborted
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
