He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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