I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
