He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
