I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
