i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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