we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
