just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
