i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Less talking, more tequila
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
